The Config Report Privacy Policy

(a.k.a. how we handle your data without being shady about it)

Last Updated: 08/11/2025

Effective Date: The first time you trusted us with your email address and we didn’t sell it to a guy in a trench coat.

1. What We Collect

We collect the absolute bare minimum:

• Email address (so we can actually send you the newsletter).

• Optional name (in case we feel like addressing you personally or roasting you in patch notes).

• Open/click stats (so we can see if you’re ghosting us or if our subject lines just suck).

We do not collect your blood type, mother’s maiden name, or your “favorite password” (we know it’s still P@ssw0rd1 anyway).

2. How We Use Your Info

We use your data to:

• Deliver The Config Report straight to your inbox.

• Send occasional bonus content or shameless plugs for things we think you’ll like.

• Spot trends (like whether you’re reading this from a data center, a cubicle, or a hammock).

3. What We Don’t Do

We do NOT:

• Sell your data to marketers, spammers, or Nigerian princes.

• Use creepy tracking pixels to see if you’ve opened emails at 2 AM (although… why are you reading patch notes at 2 AM?).

• Share your info with vendors, unless it’s to make fun of their firmware release notes.

4. Cookies

We might use cookies — the digital kind, not the edible ones. They help keep our site running, track analytics, and remember that you already closed the subscription pop-up (you’re welcome).

5. Security

We treat your data like production configs:

• Backed up.

• Access restricted.

• Protected against random interns with admin rights.

But hey, nothing’s bulletproof — if a breach happens, we’ll tell you ASAP, in plain English, not legalese.

6. Your Choices

You can unsubscribe anytime by clicking the “unsubscribe” link in our emails. We’ll be sad, but we’ll survive (probably).

7. Changes to This Policy

We may update this Privacy Policy from time to time — just like patch notes, except less confusing and without breaking stuff.

8. Contact Us

Questions? Concerns? Wanna know why your firewall hates you?
Email us at jj@theconfigreport.com or tape a note to your nearest switch and hope we find it.